Welcome To Zombie Phobia!

It’s hard to maintain a positive attitude these days, and easy to spend many an unsettling hour dwelling on all the trouble mankind has gotten itself into over the past couple hundred years. Worldwide economic crises, prejudices festering through generations of “progress”, complete disdain for the environment, war as a direct result of ideological differences … you know all of that. You don’t need a synopsis of what you’re already experiencing. You need a solution.

Let us present you with a compelling, albeit unconventional, alternative to either sucking it up or ending it all.

Long and hard have the undead labored and battled against the real scourge – the scourge of humanity – pressing onward despite unspeakable adversity. Long have they wandered aimlessly, with no direction, pretty much in circles, waiting for a reasonably bright and coherent advocate to arise and give them the voice that previously had been only spine-chilling, unearthly moans of hunger. That wait, and hopefully much of the hardship our undead friends have faced, is now a thing of the past.

Undeath is a very real condition, and unfortunately, too often responded to with resentment, derision, fear, and violence. Popular media shows it’s okay to pick on the living dead, that they’re not human, that they’re nothing but brainless hordes. Yet the same popular media teaches the masses to ‘aim for the head’, reacting in a manner that would be used to best kill another human being. If there was no brain linking the various basic motor functions of the living dead, how would they be shambling forward? And if there is a brain, who’s to say there’s not a soul?

We hope to reach out a hand of reassurance to the dwindling zombie population of the world. We intend to inform the populace there is a better way of “living”. Your ranks will swell. People will inevitably come to realize the joy of reanimation. All of you live ones out there, wavering on the edge, wondering what the point of the daily grind really is – we serve you up a steaming hot cup of wake-up call.

Of course, you have questions – who wouldn’t in these uncertain times? Is zombification right for me and my family? What can I expect after I join the ranks of the undead? It’s natural you should wonder about the consequences and repercussions of such an important decision. You’ll find your answers here.

You’ve started reading this because you’re curious. Maybe you’re considering zombification as an alternative lifestyle. Maybe you have a loved one who’s started to turn, or better, has actually crossed over into the eternal unlife. Perhaps you just confused this with another popular title and you think that you can read up on ways to put down these sad and forgotten former members of our species. Hopefully if you fit in that last category, your worldview can still be salvaged, molded to tolerate and accept those of our friends and family who, in actuality, possess the gift that sentient man has pursued for thousands of years: immortality.

We can set you well on your way. Find somewhere you truly belong. This could be the beginning of the end of your life.

Welcome, dear reader, to Zombie Phobia: The Comprehensive Survival Guide For The Undead.